I am suffering from a bad case of dog envy. Basically, I want to be the dog. I don't care about the fleas or the endless diet of cardboard dog biscuits. I don't even care about the halitosis. I would still the be the dog in a heartbeat. Why? Let me count the ways...
1. The dog doesn't have a to-do list or a diary.
2. The dog never worries about whether it's putting on weight. Even if it is, it doesn't care.
3. The dog isn't concerned about finishing its novel or getting it published.
4. The dog never has to wander around Tesco wondering what the **** we're going to eat night.
5. The dog doesn't have to cook it either.
6. The dog doesn't get spots.
7. The dog never loses its car keys. Or its phone.
8. The dog only has two periods a year.
9. The dog never worries about keeping fit. It just is.
10. The dog doesn't feel guilty when it sees the growing pile of ironing in the utility room. It lies on it.
11. The dog isn't wondering how it will pay the latest request for a large amount of money from the builders.
12. The dog doesn't have to enter into protracted negotiations with the children over every single insignificant decision. It just looks bored and walks away.
13. As far as I can tell, the dog doesn't get three-day migraines.
14. The dog doesn't have to speak to someone in Delhi every time it has a query on its credit card.
15. The dog doesn't notice when its having a bad hair day.
16. The dog never, ever has to go to the dentist.
17. Nor will the dog ever have to consider Botox. The effect would be lost under all that hair.
18. The dog gets to lie around dozing all day, either in the sun or out, depending on its mood.
19. The dog thinks that a walk around the scraggy woods up the road is the nearest thing to bliss.
20. The dog seems to actually enjoy running until it pants.
Mind you, the dog isn't going to New York next week for a good dose of urban indulgence. Sucker.